The art of The chase: how things have changed!

                      

These days I've been noticing that men who try to date me or are interested in me, they take a step back and wait for me to make the first move. I began to wonder where did men go wrong with pursuing women? When did it become okay for a man to step back and wait for a woman to call him, or wait until she says she wants to go out or even tell him the exact time, location and date she wants to step out with him!? 

I know a mans ego is VERY sensitive and I know that with women being "Independent" these days, men are more afraid of rejection than ever before. Instead of him saying "I want to take you out on Friday night at 8pm. I want to take you to this lovely restaurant with great food. You'll love it." the conversation is now " So, when can I take you out?" or "When will you be free to make some time for me?". In that moment your not being confident. You're already thinking of being turned down because of her "busy" schedule. Your not taking initiative and your not showing her that you are a firm leader. TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION! 

No matter how independent a woman seems. No matter how much she appears to be strong minded, walls up, I don't need a man attitude. At the end of the day we are still Woman. Soft, sensual, emotional creatures that need love, attention and a Man. A man who's going to be a MAN! If we know we can control you and have you on a string like a puppet. We will. If we know we can have you down on your knees begging us to "make time" for you so you can take us out on a date, what makes you think you will get any type of respect from her. 

The roles of women and men are getting too far reversed. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I still believe in a man pursing a woman, courting her and making her feel like shes the only woman for him. Most men will say, "Well when I plan the date, she doesn't like it, or she complains." If you have no clue what food she likes or some idea of what she likes to do before your first date, you haven't had much conversation. I don't want to tell you, where I want to go, What I want to eat, pick me up on August 5th at 5:45pm every single time we step out and especially not on a 1st date. You learn things a woman likes through conversation. TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION! Trust me, we want you to! 

The New Era of Relationships!

                            

 I'm noticing that it's taking a lot more than providing the basics in a relationship in order to become a wife or a husband. Its just not enough anymore. Times are changing! You could date for 3 months and become a couple in no time. Then be married within a year or two.

As a Woman all you had to do was take care of you man, your kids and keep your household together. Made sure your man was taken care of in the bedroom and everything was pretty much fine.

As a Man all you had to do was have a good job with benefits, provide a roof over everyone's head, a car for us to get around in and a couple of dollars to give to the kids for the ice cream truck.

You still have to provide the basics but I think a lot of people these days are looking for more. More from their mate and more from their relationship. We can easily blame television and social media. But then again, is it really a bad thing to want more from your mate. A lot of people are going for the "Power Couple" move. You know, back in the day, women stayed out of men's business. The times have changed. Men want their women to build with them. Men want women to be a BOSS like them. If the woman is a "BOSS" all on her own, she wants her man to match that. With that comes a different type of Trust and loyalty. I mean, if you're man had a good job and brought home a check, it's still considered your livelihood. But becoming a "Power Couple" is trusting someone with your life on a whole other level!

I think with that being said the qualities people are looking for in a mate are more complex. I think for these new relationship goals men and woman are expecting different qualities like: Secure, Ambitious, Independent, Business minded, Solid and Loyal! I think men are looking for woman who are stronger mentally. A woman who will stand up for herself, respectfully speaks her mind and doesn't settle for the type of treatment others thinks she should have. I think men are looking for women who will set the standard for herself, her business and her relationship. I think women are looking for the same in men, including a man who is willing to include his woman and to think of her as a member of the team. 

Ooh Baby I like it RAW!

I often wonder the logic behind a man giving you everything except a title. A man will wine and dine you, buy you gifts, socialize together, travel and give you the D..... RAW! When you speak of making it official, I mean we're playing house anyway right? Why not make it official? Then you get every excuse under the sun as to why the time isn't right or we're still getting to know each other. In the same breath your trying to give me the uncooked sausage!

Some men have their priorities mixed up and most of them are just confused. Maybe someone can explain this logic to me. I really don't get it. They don't want to be used but they are putting themselves in that situation and then start to look at the woman crazy because she's talking about a relationship. Well we are looking at you like your crazy! We look at you like your confused! Maybe it's the way you weed out the good ones from the bad ones. I wouldn't exactly say our leading women on, maybe your honestly working toward giving her a title but I feel like until then there shouldn't be any RAW gifts exchanged, that's when shit gets real!

From The Girlfriend to the Alter

They say a man knows in 6 months if he wants to spend the rest of his life with his woman. Let's be CLEAR on the type of MAN I am talking about. The one at an particular age, his career is in a stable place with room to grow, he is done playing the field, to him his life is together and he is READY. With that being said, if you are in a relationship how long is too long to just be the girlfriend?

Some people may say marriage isn't for everyone, or you shouldn't put a time limit on love, or it depends on the person etc etc. In reality when your ready, your ready. You have a plan for your life and you find someone else who has a plan you two come together and create a life together. Though you may love that person with all your heart, the two may not be on the same page at the same time. He may be ready and she may not be ready, so what do you do? That's where it gets complicated. That's where the list of Pros and Cons come out! 

You don't want to "waste" any time. You don't want to be "stuck" in this situation meaning, they say soon, soon, soon but your LOVE for that person keeps you there and before you know it, your old and gray in a relationship for 10 years with a person who was perfectly comfortable in the situation and has been leading you on for years. You don't want to keep giving away the Milk for free, meaning treating the person as your wife or husband when they wont even put your relationship on a pedestal by giving you the ultimate title.

As a woman in my early 30's with no children, when I date I ask those key questions. Do you WANT to be married one day? Do you want to have children (if he doesn't have any already)? If he does have a child or two (that's my limit), I ask Are you willing to have more? I ask because at my age I want a husband and a child and if this man doesn't want the same things, what is the point in building a relationship? Both people need to want the same things. If not you will never truly be happy in your relationship. You will always feel like something is missing or you missed out on something. If we both agree to be married and we've reached that crossroads in our relationship, we need to take steps toward that goal. It should not take more than 2 years for you to put a ring on it and walk down the aisle.

TO PURSUE OR NOT TO PURSUE?

Growing up women are taught "If he wants you, he will do whatever he can do to get you." The man is supposed to court us, open our doors, pull out our chair, send us flowers and even ask our parents for our hand in marriage. The man has to SHOW us that we are the one that he wants but what if he doesn't know your the one that he wants?

Now what!?

We are taught to, not be too clingy, don't push too hard, don't make your self too available or he won't be interested, don't call him first let him call you, don't show your cards too soon, why buy the cow when the milk is free and the most famous one.... He's going to think your CRAZY!

So you want this guy, but what do you do? What do you do without breaking all the rules and still make him follow the rules that are set for a man  Is it wrong in this new generation for a woman to slightly make her self available with out being overly available. Is it possible to be persistent with out being pushy? Can't we bring old rules and fuse them with new rules?

Through all these rules there is a very thin line. I say go for it! Set boundaries and time frames for yourself. If you feel like your doing too much, fall back. If it's taking up too much of your time, let it go. But you will never know unless you try!

By Jae Michelle